Wednesday, February 6, 2013

SGFT: Kitty Looking for An Upgrade (aka A New Home)

Single grey female tabby seeking a child-free family that can shower me with love and attention, provide ample snuggles and chin scratches and enjoy engaging conversations, mostly about me.  Please, people, someone save me from the horror of chubby little hands attempting to violate my space and the under-appreciation of my two roommates, who mistakenly think I no longer need to receive their complete, undivided attention.

For several years now, we've been joking about sending our cat Kookai to the "burrito farm" (you know, where they manufacture delicious treats using dubious meat sources?) basically for getting into normal kitty mischief.  Sadly, we have come to the realization that the time has come to actually find her a new home, and a farm would be lovely, though preferably one where she won't be turned into a burrito but instead perhaps be fed her favorite cat food wrapped in one.

We've always known our fuzzy feline disliked young children and have been able to - up until now - keep her separated from and/or supervised with the kiddos who visit us. 

Then along came Charlie.

I always told myself that I would never be one of those parents who kick their pets to the curb as soon as they have children. What I failed to foresee was the sheer primal dominance of The Mama Bear instincts to protect my young at all costs.

You see, our dear Kookai is not one to be trifled with, and while just fine with adults, she apparently sees all youngin's as less furry but just as menacing neighborhood enemies who need to be put in their place (think of her as the feline version of a girl from The Jersey Shore cast).  Fortunately, we've always thwarted her efforts to discourage the interest of the under-four-inches set before anyone got hurt.  However, as our little guy gets more mobile and is increasingly interested in Kooks, we are fearful that the day she goes after him for petting her the wrong way or pulling her hair/tail/ear is not just likely but frankly inevitable. 

And you know that's not happening on my watch.

Unfortunately, our local shelters and rescues are overrun with cats, so we're using word of mouth to find our  "fuzzy bucket" (neither of us can remember from whence that particular nickname came) a new home where she can be pampered in a kid-free environment.

Do you happen to know anyone looking for a companion who:

- Is a great conversationalist. Kooks is quite vocal and will not only welcome you at the door but have some very compelling conversations if you meow back at her.  She also provides excellent input on matters involving gastronomy (i.e. her cat food), personal grooming (hers) and fashion (yours).

- Serves as a living, breathing heating pad. Why invest good money in a heating pad or blanket when you can instead have a (free) cat who enjoys parking herself in your lap on cold winter nights?  Your new, economical heating pad also has a built-in vibration feature if you scratch her chin while she's there.

- Will do her darndest to keep your perimeter free of other encroaching felines. On summer nights, Kooks surely will entertain you with her Window Ledge Displays of Territorial Dominance as she reminds the other neighborhood cats that no, they may not lounge on your front porch, in your bushes or frankly anywhere in the vicinity of your yard.  Who needs a guard dog?  Extra entertainment will be provided when, in her enthusiasm to jump onto the ledge, she sometimes misses and ricochets off it, at which point she will look around for any witnesses and pretend it never happened. 

If you happen to know anyone looking for an entertaining new companion, please leave a comment or reach out to me directly.  Because, frankly, we think this kitty has grown tired of us and is ready now for her upgrade.

Post Script:  Psst, I'd say I have done an outstanding job giving them a "reason" to find me a new home by convincing them I'm not trustworthy around kids, wouldn't you?  They seem to think it was their decision to make this break.  

Little do they know that, in reality, I just think I can do so much better.  I mean, they don't pay me nearly enough attention, I'm not allowed to sleep on the comfy surfaces in the baby's room - though I do it anyway - and they have no concept of what spoiling me really means (ahem, where is the caviar and Evian? Fancy Feast and tap water are so gauche).  

So, seriously, if you or someone you admire know how to pamper a kitty the way it should be done, please get in touch with my "mom."  It's about time this girl got herself some new and improved digs!