Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Fat Guy in a Little Coat

"Fat guy in a little coat...fat guy in a little coat...fat guy in a leetle coat..."

If these words bring to mind visions of Chris Farley swaying in a teeny tiny sport jacket before finally ripping it to shreds, you should have been with us last weekend for Tommy Boy Night at the "Drive In" in the courtyard at our friends Katie and Nate's house (or "Natie" as I like to refer to them as a couple). Having been obsessed with this classic comedy since high school, Katie and I thought it was time to relive the fun of evenings spent quoting along with the characters by throwing with a theme party. It also was a great excuse to get together with our lovely friends and enjoy a summer evening and refreshments.

So Natie rigged a wicked set up that included a projector on the garage roof and a big screen on which to view the flick. And in case you were wondering about our commitment to the purity of the theme, I can assure you that our menu was 90% movie related. Which meant it was the most disjointed, unhealthy party food ever. Here's a sampling:
  • Shrimp cocktail ("Looks like we caught this guy right after Thanksgiving dinner.")
  • Chicken wings ("Tommy like wingy.")
  • Pizza ("If we didn't get the wings, so what? We still have half a meat lovers pizza in the trunk.")
  • Peanut M&Ms ("They have a thin candy shell. I'm surprised you didn't know that.")
  • Doughnuts ("I have what doctors call 'a little bit of a weight problem.' I used to take bear claws two at a time, and they'd get lodged, RIGHT in this region here.")
  • Whiskey sours ("Eight whiskey sours and I can still sell the son of a b****! [Darn], I'm good!")
  • Mints (" want mint for pillow?")
  • French fries and ketchup packets ("I can actually hear you getting fatter.")
  • Hummus, blue cheese dip, veggies and bruschetta (not movie related, but we were thankful to our friends who ensured we had a least something healthy on the menu)
In addition to appropriate decorations and artery clogging fare, we had a mix of great folks, many of whom loved the movie, and some who'd never seen it, but by the end of the night, I'm pretty sure everyone there was a fan. And who wouldn't be? This movie offers quotes for all occasions.

Let's just say, for instance, your husband breaks the door knob while letting the dog out. What do you say? Not, "Honey, how can I help?" Oh, no. Instead you can take a line from Tommy Callahan and go with, "What'd you doooo?" (Sadly, this is a true story).

Or, and this one really is a hypothetical, you're driving home late at night and see the dreaded flashing police lights behind you. Do you pull over and politely hand over your licence and registration? No, you start to weave your car frantically all over the road and exit the vehicle screaming and swatting yourself while yelling, "Bees! Bees! They're everywhere. They're huge and sting crazy! Save yourselves!" Seems to me this should work pretty much every time.

And on those hot summer days, what can be better than sitting in front of the swivel fan, mouthing, "La la la la, Luke, Luke, I am your faahther, la la low lay la..."? It's from Star Wars, after all.

Ok, so not all of us have the happy-go-lucky demeanor of a rather large but lovable, clutsy, slightly slow Midwesterner. For those who lean to more sarcastic behavior, there's plenty of content fodder for you as well.

What do you do when your classically flakey buddy stands you up? When he says he left a message, you ask, "Really, what number did you call?...Did I catch a 'niner' in there? Were you calling from a walkie talkie?"

Or how about when you catch your spouse lollygagging or daydreaming as you attempt to complete a complicated household project? Simply utter, "I see I've interrupted happy time. I know you'd like to sit there and continue being not [insert adjective], but the rest of us have work to do." (Note: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, use the original movie line of "not slim" on your wife or girlfriend. Not wise, and if you are not soon single as a result, you will, at the very least, spend many nights in the dog house.)

And when someone calls you out on your snappy attitude, indicating they're picking up on your sarcasm? All you need to say is, "Good, because I'm laying it on pretty thick."

So there you have it. So many useful lines from such a simple movie. I highly encourage you to cultivate your own favorites. And in the the meantime, we'll likely be planning the next theme party. I believe "Office Space" was I just need to find myself a red stapler, a printer and a baseball bat.

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